Anna

Anna

By Haley B.

Today is April 24, 2015. Almost 3 weeks ago, my roommate passed away unexpectedly. She had a blood clot in each lung. I remember everything that day because I was with her until the nurses at our on campus clinic took care of her. She was fine the last time I saw her. 

As I think about everything that has happened to me in the last 3 weeks since her death, I’ve been upset, mad, angry, frustrated, and consumed with every emotion in the book. I’ve grieved, I’ve coped, I’ve failed TONS of things in school, and I’ve been very distraught. I’ve been talked about. I’ve been brought to the Dean of Nursing’s office at my university TWICE in one week to discuss people saying things about me. 

People have been saying that I’m making her death all about me. I keep getting told that it’s not about me, it’s about her. Her parents are experiencing more grief than you are. You’re not supposed to bury your own child. And everything else in the book that could make the past 3 weeks even tougher for me with all of the school stress I have going on. 

Tonight as I was driving home from my fiancé’s house, Jesus reminded me of something. There wasn’t a certain song that came on to make me think of this; it was clearly just Him speaking to me, even though there was a song playing from my phone. I’ve been SO angry with people talking about me and saying that I’m making my best friend’s death about me, when that’s not true at all. I just have a different coping mechanism than anyone else. Jesus told me that it’s not about me. He said it wasn’t about Anna, my roommate. He told me that it’s about Him. And that it’s always been about Him. The more I thought about it, the more I thought about how right that truly was.  

I thought about how tragic it was and how everyone was feeling about the loss of a daughter, sister, best friend, peer, and co-worker. Everyone that knew Anna was grieving because it was a very hard loss. But in the midst of it all, it was all about Jesus. It was all about glorifying Him. And it still is. 

Death is hard, especially for a young person. It just doesn’t seem fair. But God promises us in Romans 8:28 that everything happens for OUR good. We glorify Him in everything and we get the benefit, even though we experience tragedies. In full, Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.” No matter what God does or has planned for us, it’s for our good. Through everything that life throws our way, it’s for OUR good, even when we can’t see it. 

Even though it’s been a rough and sad time, there are good things that I have learned through this. Things that will help me to be a better nurse in the future for my patients. It’s taught me how to really grieve and cope with everything that’s going on. It’s taught me how much focus it really takes to have a friend die and you have to continue on with life. But through it all, I know this tragedy is not about me. It’s not about Anna. It’s about Jesus and glorifying Him because He makes all things good for us, even when they seem horrible and awful.