Anna
By Haley B.
Today
is April 24, 2015. Almost 3 weeks ago, my roommate passed away
unexpectedly. She had a blood clot in each lung. I remember everything
that day because I was with her until the nurses at our on campus clinic
took care of her. She was fine the last time I saw her.
As
I think about everything that has happened to me in the last 3 weeks
since her death, I’ve been upset, mad, angry, frustrated, and consumed
with every emotion in the book. I’ve grieved, I’ve coped, I’ve failed
TONS of things in school, and I’ve been very distraught. I’ve been
talked about. I’ve been brought to the Dean of Nursing’s office at my
university TWICE in one week to discuss people saying things about me.
People
have been saying that I’m making her death all about me. I keep getting
told that it’s not about me, it’s about her. Her parents are
experiencing more grief than you are. You’re not supposed to bury your
own child. And everything else in the book that could make the past 3
weeks even tougher for me with all of the school stress I have going on.
Tonight
as I was driving home from my fiancé’s house, Jesus reminded me of
something. There wasn’t a certain song that came on to make me think of
this; it was clearly just Him speaking to me, even though there was a
song playing from my phone. I’ve been SO angry with people talking about
me and saying that I’m making my best friend’s death about me, when
that’s not true at all. I just have a different coping mechanism than
anyone else. Jesus told me that it’s not about me. He said it wasn’t
about Anna, my roommate. He told me that it’s about Him. And that it’s
always been about Him. The more I thought about it, the more I thought
about how right that truly was.
I
thought about how tragic it was and how everyone was feeling about the
loss of a daughter, sister, best friend, peer, and co-worker. Everyone
that knew Anna was grieving because it was a very hard loss. But in the
midst of it all, it was all about Jesus. It was all about glorifying
Him. And it still is.
Death
is hard, especially for a young person. It just doesn’t seem fair. But
God promises us in Romans 8:28 that everything happens for OUR good. We
glorify Him in everything and we get the benefit, even though we
experience tragedies. In full, Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in
all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been
called according to His purpose.” No matter what God does or has planned
for us, it’s for our good. Through everything that life throws our way,
it’s for OUR good, even when we can’t see it.
Even
though it’s been a rough and sad time, there are good things that I
have learned through this. Things that will help me to be a better nurse
in the future for my patients. It’s taught me how to really grieve and
cope with everything that’s going on. It’s taught me how much focus it
really takes to have a friend die and you have to continue on with life.
But through it all, I know this tragedy is not about me. It’s not about
Anna. It’s about Jesus and glorifying Him because He makes all things
good for us, even when they seem horrible and awful.
